LONELY HEART

Oh, to have the kind of stubborn love that refuse to leave even when shown the door.  

Often it's difficult to read a person's thoughts.  
He may say something and mean something else.  A harsh word spoken on impulse should not invite instant condemnation.  
After all, humans are controlled by emotions, environment and endless senseless jitters.

Things are not what they seem. 
A lonely person who outwardly rejects love, tenderness and kindness may in fact be yearning for the same. 

But for some reason cannot bring himself to admit it.

Be slow to pass judgement.  Avoid hasty conclusions.  Sometimes we need to read between the lines.  May I also suggest that we don't jump to conclusions.  
Seek to empathize and understand where he's coming from. 
Alone-ness does things to a person.  
Build bridges rather than erect walls.  
Look into the heart for therein dwells his real person - his wants, needs and desires.

His 'Go' may well be a plea to stay ...

DUTY NOT DELIGHT

Mostly, we go through the motion of living, doing things that are expected of us; fulfilling the different roles that are hurled our way. 

Merely acting out a part and playing along without engaging the heart. 

Out of Duty and not delight.

We have become very good at this through discipline and practice. 

People hardly notice anything amiss. 

In time we begin to search ... more earnestly ... what do we really desire out of life?

I enjoy my solitude, moments of quiet when I can be Me. 

Not afraid to entertain intimate thoughts, to agonize over dreams and hopes unfulfilled and wishing deep down from the heart. Re-living the magic of yester years.  

To bare the soul. To not be afraid.  To remember ...

To bask in joy, peace and contentment of loving and being loved. 

And yes, to know that God really cares.   That I matter to Him.

He is concerned for the well being of my heart.  My happiness is paramount to Him.

How amazing is His love and how wonderful His Plan for my life.

Is there anything more exciting, gratifying and rewarding than to live in His Purpose and Perfect will...

(John 10:10)

INCESSANT NAGGING

When we follow a persistent pattern of revisiting a certain time, place and person, there could be an underlying message. 

When memories evoke a sense of confusion, condemnation and corruption, quiet contemplation is insufficient. 

We need healing down deep.

Mostly we would rather sweep all unpleasantness in our lives under the carpet of indifference, ignorance and denial, pretend everything is okay and just move on. 

And if not for the incessant nagging in our inner man, we can.

Doctors would not think to use a flimsy bandage or plaster for a deep cut.

These are good on the surface but doesn't address the hurt which is much deeper.

Opening up an old wound is very uncomfortable and painful even just as in going back to an old dark episode in our lives but do it we must, if we are to experience complete healing and total restoration. 

At some point, we gave parts of our heart away, it's time to claim them back. 

It has been said that "God's glory is Man fully alive."

How can we be fully alive when we are at best only half hearted about coming alive ....

GUARD YOUR HEART ...

The heart of the matter is really about the heart.

It's the heart that hungers, hides, hurts and hates. 
Every intense emotion begins with the heart, from the heart.
Our desires, thoughts, actions; glory, shame is dictated by it. 

Every day we engage in fierce battles, against elements that are intent to 'kill, steal and destroy' the peace and joy that is ours.  We wrestle not with the seen but the unseen; not with the obvious but the subtle.

Brace yourself, be fully equipped, prepared and above all, guard the heart.
It controls your entire well being ...

MY TURN ...

Bliss is when you don't have to get up early in the morning, brave the traffic and rush to office.
Contentment is sleeping in and having breakfast in bed.
Happiness is tea with mum and outings with buddies.
Ecstasy is doing what you like, when you like and with whom you like.

Work is pottering in the garden and smelling the flowers.

It's my turn.... free at last ...

IF NOT NOW, WHEN

Discovering hidden talents never before put to use. 

Developing new interests.  

Giving up the old and embracing the new.

Dreaming bigger dreams.  

Building stronger character.

Getting closer to my goals.  

Finding pleasure in simple activities. 

Making each day count. 

Adding to the big picture.  

Seeing hope, applying faith, feeling joy and falling in love.  

Life is meaningful and rich with purpose.  

So blessed.  

A new beginning and am enjoying every moment of it.  

Been waiting a long time.  It's my turn...

HERE I AM, USE ME...

More than twenty (20) months had gone by and I'm still around and kicking!

(Sorry, if some of you are disappointed!!)

Sometimes I wonder why I've been spared but I don't ponder long over something that only God knows.

Am just grateful for another day and opportunity to speak of His great love, grace and mercy... 

As brain surgeries go, mine was certainly not the scariest or riskiest. 

Still the surgeon had explained that any procedure that requires 4-5 hours of intense pinching, prying and probing has some reason for concern.  Just a wee bit.  Nothing to lose sleep over!

The neurologist was a cheerful, kind and burly fellow; barrel chest with a boisterous laugh.  He was big in confidence as well; I liked that.

With a wicked wink and playful punch on my shoulder, he had jokingly advised me to put my estate and other pertinent matters in order.  Standard practice.

No hassle there, since I have little worldly possessions to bequeath!

When the time came I was all prepared.  Fearless really, even to the point that other doctors who attended to me were alarmed.  Come to think of it, I was cheerful, chirpy and confident.  Some said this was abnormal.  I should at least be showing some anxiety.  Sorry, but I couldn't fake even that!
Perhaps it was in defiance over the disease that made me put up this brave front, I don't know.  Or maybe an important sensitive nerve in the brain had gotten confused and'short-circuited' leading to such unnatural behavior?!?!?  Whatever the reason, I took the sudden calamity in my physical well being in stride and surprised even myself.  I refused to fall apart!
(Sorry again, if some of you are doubly disappointed!!  Seriously though if that is how you feel, we really must talk!!!!

In the OT, staring into the blinding bright lights above me, I whispered my final prayer just moments before falling into deep sleep: "Lord, thank you for the good life. Can't complain. Need your strength more than ever before.  Please guide the surgeons, watch over the nurses. Know they are very competent and will look after me. But I also know that things can go wrong in the best circumstances. So, God, if something should go wrong, it's okay...really. I'm not afraid to die."

I awoke but not at the entrance of the Pearly Gates!  
It seemed my time was not yet up.

Meeting Moses will have to wait.

There's unfinished work for me this side of heaven...  

God knows best: "Here I am, use me."